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Dollars chat: Mech_Matt
November 4, 1993
Last Visit: 2 weeks ago
Not on Hiatus! :D
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Favorite moviesTangled, Suicide Circle, Dog Day Afternoon..Favorite bands / musical artistsThe GazettE, A Perfect Circle, Phoenix, Dir En Grey, Versailles, just to name a few..Favorite booksFour Past Midnight, It's Kind Of A Funny Story, Macbeth, Dante's InfernoFavorite gamesThe World Ends With You, The Last Remnant, Castlevania series~Favorite gaming platformPS3, PS2, GameboyTools of the TradeMy hands, pens, and Cory~
So... I don't want to post this on Facebook, or any type of real 'social network'(?), but something has really been bothering me, and I guess I'd just like a friend to tell me it's alright.
I was kicked out by my roommates a couple of months ago, and for what reason I still don't know. The girl that I shared a suite with doesn't know either. I'm still trying to understand what happened those last days where the apartment basically became a fallout zone. These thoughts began well before that unfortunately... These thoughts where I was completely selfish and self-centered.
At the same time, I had a 'falling out' with someone I consider to be one of my closest guy friends from home, and he's studying abroad now. It troubles me a lot to know that he's far away and I feel that there was really no proper apology, on either end. It's not even an apology... I just want things to be normal again. Now that he's away, I feel we're kinda left at this... middle ground so to speak, where I sort of feel unwanted by the rest of my friends. Now this isn't being attention seeking at all. It's just... No one understands my head better than me, so I'm not exactly sure how to put it. I just hope I never upset him or anything, because that would hurt so much more. At the same time, I feel that we're all as a whole growing apart and losing each other in this madness called adulthood and college.
I don't want to lose my friends. I'm just good at pushing people away.
While I shouldn't say that, I feel it's the only thing I've done in the past. Someone says something rude or untrue, and it's enough to send me off the handle sometimes and/or just not speak. I guess I feel like I should just apologize to anyone if I've done any of those behaviors, and there really has been no excuse for them at all. I feel I've pushed enough people away and I'm trying as best I can to stop that behavior.
Unlike in China, I have nothing that is as interesting as his experience in China. It sounds like a beautiful place so far, and it's eye-opening to see someone like him go to this country. He's very good with his words and as always, they're well formed, I enjoy reading his works.
That's all for now though, and I hope you all have a happy start to Spring!